By now you've probably seen Marvell Wynne's video asking Toronto fans to come out and support him and the Rapids on Sunday. It's come to light that MLS asked all the former TFC players to make such videos to inspire Torontonians to brave the cold November night and cheer them on. The others didn't see the light of day for reasons which will soon be obvious, but fortunately, before the tapes were burnt, an MLS mole leaked the transcripts to Cruel Geography, which I'll faithfuly reprint here.
Jeff Cunningham's MLS Cup message to Toronto.
Scene: FC Dallas training ground, various players and coaches go through the motions in the background as Jeff prepares to give his message.
Cunningham: Hey Toronto, what's up? This is Jeff Cunningham, formerly number 96 with TFC.
Off Screen: boooo!
Cunningham: I wore 96 as that was how many goals I'd scored at the time, I scored a lot of goals before I was at TFC, and since leaving, I've scored a bunch more...
Off Screen: booooo!
Cunningham: what? erm, okaaaay. Anyway, I'm now the second highest all time scorer in MLS, I know you're all real proud of me.
Off Screen: boooooooooooo!
Cunningham: What the hell? I've told everyone what great fans you are, and from my own experience, I know how much you love to see other teams raise trophies at BMO Field.
Off Screen: booooooooooooooooooo!
Out of nowhere a red streamer flies into the shot and hits Jeff on the head.
Cunningham: Ow! Do I have to keep going with this? Seriously? (sigh) alright. I hope you're all going to cheer for me and Dallas and paint BMO blue...
Jeff dodges another streamer, and a quarter full plastic beer cup.
...and I can't wait to come back to Toronto to see you all again, and score the goals that will win us the MLS cup.
FC Dallas coach Schellas Hyndman walks by
Hyndman: You do know you'll be on the bench all game, right Jeff?
Cunningham: What? Aw, c'mooooon. Did you have to tell me now? you know what? screw this!
Jeff walks away angrily shaking his head, narrowly avoiding a flying poutine.
Fin
When reached for comment, former TFC coach John Carver said "You want my honest opinion on that? I am thinking, ‘How has he done hundreds of interviews?’ That’s what I thought.’"
"If you’re a star player and you have got desire to promote the game, no matter how you finish the piece, you finish the piece," Carver concluded, rubbing his temples in frustration.
Next, Conor Casey's MLS Cup message to Toronto
Showing posts with label Jeff Cunningham. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeff Cunningham. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Weeeee love you! But we hate you. You too. And especially you!
With the MLS playoffs about to start, and TFC's lockers already cleared out, it's time to decide who to be following, and who to be prepared to cheer for or against when the final is played before all TFC's eager season ticket holders (everyone's going right? there were no problems with that?).
If you're undecided and it's uninformed opinions, partisan sentimentality, bitterness and petty prejudices you want to make a decision on, then you've come to the right place. Here's my reasons to boo and cheer for the 8 teams still playing.
Colorado.
Reasons to cheer. Marvell Wynne, his flailing arms and lack of positional sense annoyed me, but I hold no grudge with Wynne and would have no problem seeing him with the trophy. No sponsor, I'm officially jealous of their jersey, simple, no sponsor or obnoxious North American style logo, classiest in MLS by far.
Reasons to boo. Conor Casey, the poor man's Danny Dichio. You don't like Toronto? We don't like you either, so there! Success would probably increase their commercial value and lead to a jersey sponsorship offer they can't refuse.
Verdict. Meh!
Columbus.
Reasons to cheer. Their consistency over the last few years is an example of...Nah, can't do it. Seriously, it's Columbus.
Reasons to boo. Schelotto, Lenhart, Padula's terrible hair, their taser happy cops, the fact that TFC still hasn't beaten them. Seriously, it's Columbus.
Verdict. Fuck those guys! booooooo!
Dallas.
Reasons to cheer. I seriously can't think of any, though I suppose in a "good for the growth of the game" kind of way, being champions might help them actually sell some tickets.
Reasons to boo. Jeff Cunningham. Milton Rodriguez's obnoxious fan-baiting celebration after scoring at BMO field this year. The bouncy castle. Did I mention Jeff Cunningham?
Verdict. Booooo!
Los Angeles.
Reasons to cheer. The Riot Squad supporters group standing up to Beckham last year was a great moment. That's about it.
Reasons to boo. Beckham. Landycakes. That's all the reasons I need.
Verdict. Fuck those guys! Boooo!
New York.
Reasons to cheer. Robbo, it`d be good to see him raising a trophy at BMO. Greg Sutton, ditto. They`ve built themselves a fantastic stadium, and it`d be good for the league for it to be filled on a regular basis, winning would help with that.
Reasons to boo. Thierry Henry. Changing the team name to Red Bulls? Awful. 5-0 last year. That Red Bull Energy Zone or whatever it's called that sprung up outside the North stand at BMO towards the end of the season is terrible on so many levels.
Verdict. Sorry Robbo, booooo!
Salt Lake.
Reasons to cheer. Will Johnson, good Canadian kid. Their turnaround from consistently terrible to very good gives some hope for TFC.
Reasons to boo. The dirty hippy. Real Salt lake is still a stupid name.
Verdict. Meh!
San Jose.
Reasons to cheer. Canadian Frank Yallop, showing the benefits of patience and sticking with a plan. Sam Cronin. A pacific coast team representing the Eastern conference would be amusing. Supporters had their original team ripped away from them, so karma wise, they've earned it.
Reasons to boo. None that I can think of, they're a pretty inoffensive club.
Verdict. Against New York and probably Columbus? Rock the Casbah! I hope they make it.
Seattle. Reasons to cheer. Before TFC's game in Seattle, I unknowingly ended up in the home pub of Seattle supporters group Gorilla FC. "Anti-racist, anti-Fascist, anti-sexist and anti-homophobic, but pro-party!!" Now that's a slogan I can get behind. They were unfailingly friendly, many of them very sincerely thanking me for travelling. It was a great day for lucky drinking, I ran into some of Chad Barrett's family at a bar near the stadium pre game, and later that night Danny Dichio and Leo Percovich showed up at the same Irish pub I was in. The atmosphere at the game was great, and the ambition the owners have shown is something that I really hope TFC are going to try and emulate.
Reasons to boo. They`ve already had way too much success, I`m jealous.
Verdict. I hope they win it all.
So here it is in order who I'll be cheering for, or more likely, not cheering against.
1. Seattle
2. San Jose
3. Colorado
4. Salt Lake
5. New York
6. Dallas
7. LA
8. Columbus.
7 and 8 was a really tough call. I hope they don't both make it to the final.
If you're undecided and it's uninformed opinions, partisan sentimentality, bitterness and petty prejudices you want to make a decision on, then you've come to the right place. Here's my reasons to boo and cheer for the 8 teams still playing.
Colorado.
Reasons to cheer. Marvell Wynne, his flailing arms and lack of positional sense annoyed me, but I hold no grudge with Wynne and would have no problem seeing him with the trophy. No sponsor, I'm officially jealous of their jersey, simple, no sponsor or obnoxious North American style logo, classiest in MLS by far.
Reasons to boo. Conor Casey, the poor man's Danny Dichio. You don't like Toronto? We don't like you either, so there! Success would probably increase their commercial value and lead to a jersey sponsorship offer they can't refuse.
Verdict. Meh!
Columbus.
Reasons to cheer. Their consistency over the last few years is an example of...Nah, can't do it. Seriously, it's Columbus.
Reasons to boo. Schelotto, Lenhart, Padula's terrible hair, their taser happy cops, the fact that TFC still hasn't beaten them. Seriously, it's Columbus.
Verdict. Fuck those guys! booooooo!
Dallas.
Reasons to cheer. I seriously can't think of any, though I suppose in a "good for the growth of the game" kind of way, being champions might help them actually sell some tickets.
Reasons to boo. Jeff Cunningham. Milton Rodriguez's obnoxious fan-baiting celebration after scoring at BMO field this year. The bouncy castle. Did I mention Jeff Cunningham?
Verdict. Booooo!
Los Angeles.
Reasons to cheer. The Riot Squad supporters group standing up to Beckham last year was a great moment. That's about it.
Reasons to boo. Beckham. Landycakes. That's all the reasons I need.
Verdict. Fuck those guys! Boooo!
New York.
Reasons to cheer. Robbo, it`d be good to see him raising a trophy at BMO. Greg Sutton, ditto. They`ve built themselves a fantastic stadium, and it`d be good for the league for it to be filled on a regular basis, winning would help with that.
Reasons to boo. Thierry Henry. Changing the team name to Red Bulls? Awful. 5-0 last year. That Red Bull Energy Zone or whatever it's called that sprung up outside the North stand at BMO towards the end of the season is terrible on so many levels.
Verdict. Sorry Robbo, booooo!
Salt Lake.
Reasons to cheer. Will Johnson, good Canadian kid. Their turnaround from consistently terrible to very good gives some hope for TFC.
Reasons to boo. The dirty hippy. Real Salt lake is still a stupid name.
Verdict. Meh!
San Jose.
Reasons to cheer. Canadian Frank Yallop, showing the benefits of patience and sticking with a plan. Sam Cronin. A pacific coast team representing the Eastern conference would be amusing. Supporters had their original team ripped away from them, so karma wise, they've earned it.
Reasons to boo. None that I can think of, they're a pretty inoffensive club.
Verdict. Against New York and probably Columbus? Rock the Casbah! I hope they make it.
Seattle. Reasons to cheer. Before TFC's game in Seattle, I unknowingly ended up in the home pub of Seattle supporters group Gorilla FC. "Anti-racist, anti-Fascist, anti-sexist and anti-homophobic, but pro-party!!" Now that's a slogan I can get behind. They were unfailingly friendly, many of them very sincerely thanking me for travelling. It was a great day for lucky drinking, I ran into some of Chad Barrett's family at a bar near the stadium pre game, and later that night Danny Dichio and Leo Percovich showed up at the same Irish pub I was in. The atmosphere at the game was great, and the ambition the owners have shown is something that I really hope TFC are going to try and emulate.
Reasons to boo. They`ve already had way too much success, I`m jealous.
Verdict. I hope they win it all.
So here it is in order who I'll be cheering for, or more likely, not cheering against.
1. Seattle
2. San Jose
3. Colorado
4. Salt Lake
5. New York
6. Dallas
7. LA
8. Columbus.
7 and 8 was a really tough call. I hope they don't both make it to the final.
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